*EMOTIONAL AND SOME PHILOSOPHICAL COMMENT AHEAD*

I guess I have been asking myself the age old question of what to do with my life.  I guess I have not finished asking myself, or better yet have not answered to my own content.  The chocolate and mindless telly have not worked. 

TANGENT: Coriander leaves are the same as cilantro.  Hmmm . . . one would believe that an herb  would not be called any differently.

So, I have been thinking that even though a lot of people feel or question the same things I have been writing and feeling, it does not help.  If so many people feel this way, then why has no one wrote a book about it?  Or maybe there is a book and I have not found it yet.  I know some say for them it’s the Bible, and some may say it’s a book that they have read that changed their life.  I guess a big thing is that I have yet to find this miraculous book or knowledge.

Why are some people inflicted by this, and others are happily living their lives or their dreams?  Is there something inherently different for people like me?  We all cannot be looking for the same thing can we?  Is this how those evangelists gets their audience?  Would I then be gullible to fall for something like that?

I always said that I would not because of two things, 1) I am too cynical to believe that some one has the solution to all my problems, and 2) I have no faith in anything.  I guess #2 really would out way #1, but combined, I believe in no one and nothing.  So, as I write this, I am wondering if I am contradicting my own questions if there really is a purpose for my life? or in my life?

With all comments I have received, public and private, I wonder if I really do not have a problem, and more so to combat this feeling, I more or less, just need to do things that make me happy.  For me, I just don’t know what would make me happy.  Is living in England making me happy?  I don’t know, it’s not making me sad.  I think that no matter where I would have ended up, still in Denver, in St. Louis, or across the Atlantic, I would still be feeling the same thing, now, anywhere.

So, the chocolate did not really help.  I am down to my last bar, which will last me a few days.  I think it’s time to break out the ice cream.   First, I am going to have buy some, I wonder what I will find, since I have not really looked in that area of Tesco.

So, what have I come up with? Nothing, absolutely nothing.  For now, I am just going to work, and try to figure something out.  I will fall back to my usual, and make some lists.  Maybe that will clear my head.

SIDE NOTE:  I tried some crumpets this weekend.  I am not even sure I can describe it. It kind of looks like an English muffin, but it’s not, it’s more doughy.  It is round and if you take a cross section, it looks like tall grass, where you can see between the “layers” so the butter kind of goes through the whole thing.  Taste like nothing special.  Kinda like bread, but not too thick or doughy.  I toasted it, and still was not like the English muffins, oh well.  I think it’s an acquired taste.  But not so bad, when you put butter and jam on it.

Also, since I have been up in the middle of the night, I have been channel surfing, and found that on several channels, Big Brother live have been playing.  So, to my curiosity, what would they be doing at 3am in the morning?  What do I see?  The people sleeping. That’s all there is, the telly is showing the contestants sleeping, for hours, or at least 2-3 hours it’s on.  Who the hell watches this? And if so, they lead a sadder life than I have.  I may be still up at 3am, but I do not find watching some one sleep and snore entertaining.

{sigh} I guess that’s about it.  If I have any epiphanies, this week, will let you know.  Otherwise, I am not you will be hearing from me, unless, of course, something happens.