WARNING: MEANINGFUL CONTENT TO FOLLOW

So, it’s a Tuesday, not that any day is the best for a philosophical discussion with myself, and whomever logs on.  But from yesterday’s blog I had 3 comments from my devoted readers.

Beth understands, I think she understands more than the rest, but I welcome all comments.  I did think Beth had figured it all, really, but I do not necessarily know if it is a good thing, for me, or bad thing, for her.  I would have figured that at this point in my life I would know what to do.  I have faced many crossroads and obstacles, physically and mentally, but I wonder if this is different.  It feels a little different, but at the same time it’s familiar.

Sarah says I need to find my passion, and that there are tests to figure it out like the Myers-Briggs test.  I did take that once and I wonder if I answered because that is the way I am or it was the way I felt I was.  Does that make sense?  Not sure how much the test really tells you, when I took the test last time the test said I would be suited for the military.  Can you imagine that?  Me, in the military! HA!

Cousin Dan wrote that work is for paying the bills and passion is for the fun, for him it’s golf. 

I do not really care if there is a meaning to life, I care what my life means to me.  At my age, I really do not know what I want to do, but what do I want?  Do I want a family? Do I want a better career?  Do I want to be a bum?  Do I want to just do nothing?  What’s been really scary is that recently I feel that all I want to do is sleep.  Which is pretty scary because is this not a sign of depression?  So am I depressed?

Not sure, it’s not like I am sad, I am not necessarily estactic. 

Okay, so it’s now Friday night, ok, technically Saturday morning since it is after midnight.  I went through the week just getting my audits done.  I still have no answer, which maybe I need to accept that I will never have an answer. 

Wait – damn it.  It’s my life, I will have an answer, {sigh} just don’t know when.  If only . . . I want to think that some one out there could just tell me what to do and what I should be.  But then will I have free will, or for that matter, is this not what the peons revolted against way back then?  I made a joke a few years back about my position – I know I digress, but this is funny.  So, way back when, I was a hourly employee with the isle and then I was made a lead revenue auditor.  Someone asked me about my role in the department and I said that I was no longer a peon, who followed, now I was the lead peon.  After a while, I became the supervisor of the department and the same person asked me about my job again, and I then said, I was no longer the lead peon, but now I was the peon who would lead the revolt.  Ok, so it was funny to me.

So, back to me.  It’s been 10 minutes later and still have no idea what to do with my life.  {sigh}

Maybe I will be enlightened some day, hopefully years before I die.