Thanks all for your supportive comments.  One thing I can say about my brain is, out of sight out of mind.  Others may say that this is compartmentalizing, wow, big word . . . anyways, I will have to think on everything, and as time goes on, perhaps I will find my way around.

But anyways, I made my way to Tesco tonight and had the very un-Ingrid-like craving for Mexican, or a semblance of Mexican.  So, I bought some beef mince (aka ground beef), there was actually taco seasoning, I did not go for the “Mexican kits” they had on the shelves.  Got some lettuce, tomatoes, tortilla wraps, or more so deli wraps so I can use it for lunch sandwiches.  I found some salsa and sour(ed) cream.  I forgot the cheese, but that’s ok. 

While walking down the crisp aisle, I found some tortilla chips, (tangent) I was thinking I could have some nachos with the left overs.  Anyways, while I was making my way down the aisle, I was looking at the crisps, and saw all these different types.  Bacon crisps?  There was actually prawn flavored, I wonder if it taste like the Chinese prawn crackers?  Hmm, will need to try that next time.  What I ended up getting was the steak and onion flavored crisps.  I thought it might have a touch of BBQ flavored, what it was is not steak and I do not taste the onions.  It’s not a beefy flavor, more so a steak sauce flavor, but it’s not very strong, but you can taste something.  Not my favorite, but doable if I am starving.  I am going to see if I can give it away at work.  I am sure some one will take it if I leave it in the canteen with an “enjoy” note.

I mentioned crumpets, what I need to do is remember to take a picture of these things so you all can see what I am eating, since at times my descriptions can be somewhat convoluted. Anyways, I will buy some later on and I will try to remember to take some pictures of the food, like Yorkshire pudding.  I also noticed some melons that I have not seen before, and there is no honeydew here.  Too bad, I like that better than cantaloupe.

So, as I am writing this, there is this commerical for a drink, Oasis, where I think it’s like Gatorade.  I do not understand the commercial, but here it is.  A teenager girl is narrating and she is telling her mother that she is dating cactus boy, and the camera turns to this guy who looks like a cactus, green with the needles sticking out of him wearing a white wife beater T and jeans holding a bottle of Oasis.  She is telling her mother now that she is pregnant and the mother tells her that the boy is bad and throws them out of the house.  The couple is driving away and the girl says, “Now I am sure my mother know why the bottoms of my feet was sunburned.”  I have no clue what that means.  What does all this have to do with the drink???? {sigh}

Anyways, 533 words later, I am done for tonight.

*EMOTIONAL AND SOME PHILOSOPHICAL COMMENT AHEAD*

I guess I have been asking myself the age old question of what to do with my life.  I guess I have not finished asking myself, or better yet have not answered to my own content.  The chocolate and mindless telly have not worked. 

TANGENT: Coriander leaves are the same as cilantro.  Hmmm . . . one would believe that an herb  would not be called any differently.

So, I have been thinking that even though a lot of people feel or question the same things I have been writing and feeling, it does not help.  If so many people feel this way, then why has no one wrote a book about it?  Or maybe there is a book and I have not found it yet.  I know some say for them it’s the Bible, and some may say it’s a book that they have read that changed their life.  I guess a big thing is that I have yet to find this miraculous book or knowledge.

Why are some people inflicted by this, and others are happily living their lives or their dreams?  Is there something inherently different for people like me?  We all cannot be looking for the same thing can we?  Is this how those evangelists gets their audience?  Would I then be gullible to fall for something like that?

I always said that I would not because of two things, 1) I am too cynical to believe that some one has the solution to all my problems, and 2) I have no faith in anything.  I guess #2 really would out way #1, but combined, I believe in no one and nothing.  So, as I write this, I am wondering if I am contradicting my own questions if there really is a purpose for my life? or in my life?

With all comments I have received, public and private, I wonder if I really do not have a problem, and more so to combat this feeling, I more or less, just need to do things that make me happy.  For me, I just don’t know what would make me happy.  Is living in England making me happy?  I don’t know, it’s not making me sad.  I think that no matter where I would have ended up, still in Denver, in St. Louis, or across the Atlantic, I would still be feeling the same thing, now, anywhere.

So, the chocolate did not really help.  I am down to my last bar, which will last me a few days.  I think it’s time to break out the ice cream.   First, I am going to have buy some, I wonder what I will find, since I have not really looked in that area of Tesco.

So, what have I come up with? Nothing, absolutely nothing.  For now, I am just going to work, and try to figure something out.  I will fall back to my usual, and make some lists.  Maybe that will clear my head.

SIDE NOTE:  I tried some crumpets this weekend.  I am not even sure I can describe it. It kind of looks like an English muffin, but it’s not, it’s more doughy.  It is round and if you take a cross section, it looks like tall grass, where you can see between the “layers” so the butter kind of goes through the whole thing.  Taste like nothing special.  Kinda like bread, but not too thick or doughy.  I toasted it, and still was not like the English muffins, oh well.  I think it’s an acquired taste.  But not so bad, when you put butter and jam on it.

Also, since I have been up in the middle of the night, I have been channel surfing, and found that on several channels, Big Brother live have been playing.  So, to my curiosity, what would they be doing at 3am in the morning?  What do I see?  The people sleeping. That’s all there is, the telly is showing the contestants sleeping, for hours, or at least 2-3 hours it’s on.  Who the hell watches this? And if so, they lead a sadder life than I have.  I may be still up at 3am, but I do not find watching some one sleep and snore entertaining.

{sigh} I guess that’s about it.  If I have any epiphanies, this week, will let you know.  Otherwise, I am not you will be hearing from me, unless, of course, something happens.

{sigh} What a way to start a blog entry, huh?  Sleeping has been okay, did not do the cold shower, but have been making sure my bedroom is somewhat cool, if not down right cold.  I think that has been helping.

Work is okay, nothing new.  Just getting audits done.

So, I have been in my dark place a few times this week, so I have been some what depressed.  Not all the time, but I have been thinking that I may be in my mid-life crisis.  Then of course, I thought, hmm, my mid-life crisis, and me being the literal person that I am, wonder does that mean that I will die when I am seventy-something?  But no I refuse to believe that I am at my mid-life.  Then the question leads to when my life “begins”, not necessarily when I am born, but more philosophical of when I began to live my life.  Does that make sense to anyone?

Well, I do not believe I will die at seventy-something, but then again, I cannot predict nor will I speculate when I will die.  Then that leads to the more philosophical questions of life after death, but then that’s another different story and blog entry.

So, one thing I definitely do is not lie to myself, what would help in that?  So, here’s part of my conversation in my head, any psycho analysis of this, feel free to comment.

dark me: So, why are you here?

me: I don’t know. Why am I here?

dark me: You know why.  You need to say it to believe it.

me: Yeah, I know, but like you said, if I say it, it will be true.

dark me: You need to say it then.

me: Okay.  I don’t know what to do with my life.

dark me: Don’t lie to me, I am you.  Why are you really here?

me: Cause I am scared.

dark me: Of what?

me: Life, death, bugs {sigh}, big bugs, crawly bugs, bugs that fly, bugs that crawl, you know . .

dark me: Yeah, but in here, there’s more to be afraid of then bugs

me: I know, can’t I inject some humor in this dark place?

dark me:  Only dark humor . . . ha ha ha

me: OK, so back to me . . . I guess I still wonder about all the choices I made in my life, and what I have done.  Not so much as where my career has headed, but where my life is going.

dark me:  Yeah, you can find a job anywhere, but will you be able to be happy somewhere? 

me: {sigh} I know.  I am not regretting my move to the UK, but what now? 

dark me: Still scared of doing things by yourself? or is it more being by yourself?

me:  Oooh, good insight.  Not sure.

dark me: well, that’s where you need to decide what to do, huh.  Hiding here will not help you.

me: I know.  Just still trying to decide what to do.

dark me: I’ll still be here.

me: I know, I think that’s part of the problem.

{sigh} So, should I be troubled?  Or should I change my vocation and be a psychologist?

Anyways, I think I will shut down my brain and just try to relax and load up on chocolates this weekend.

So, a typical Monday, nothing exciting happening.

I guess the powerpoint thing worked since I go some comments that they liked the pictures.  From now on I think I will go that way since it is easier for me to put up so many pictures at one time.  I gave you guys some nice pictures of the zoo and castle, but here are the uncut versions, mistakes and all.  Feel free to scroll through them and laugh.  As I have written before, my photographic skills are somewhat lacking, but I would say, that it is not all my fault.

As for the castle pictures, I think the last one is one of the better ones, I truly like the color of the sky on that one.

zoo-pictures-uncut

dudley-castle-uncut

Enjoy.

So, I went to the Dudley Zoo and Castle.  The day was beautiful, not too hot, I was a bit sweaty walking around, but there was a nice breeze.  I remembered my camera and batteries this time, so I took a lot of pictures, just some that are here on my blog.  I think I walked around the place for about 5 hours or so.  I did not take their train, so I definitely walked alot that day.  I also remembered to bring a bottle of water and a sandwich, so I would not have to pay the high prices inside the zoo.

I was so proud of myself when I not only remembered the batteries, but I brought an extra set with me.  Good thing too, since my batteries ran down half way through my tour.  I think it lasted about 75 pcitures or so.  I took a total of about 140 or so.  Some very good, some not so good, so pretty funny.

So here’s a short tour of what I saw and took pictures.  I tried getting the pics on the blog, then I realized I had a lot of pictures to upload.  I tried a few, but it took so long, and  . . . well a few hours later, I was frustrated.

Then I tried to put things on a powerpoint, then my computer went on a small holiday . . . it some what stalled on me.  So I gave up for the night.

I tried again so hopefully it worked.  There are a lot more pictures of the Castle, I took a lot more.  But here are just a couple.  It was really nice.  Supposedly, the place is haunted, so it if you believe, then the place has some ghosts there.  I, personally did not see one, so who knows.

dudley-zoo-and-castle

Happy July 4 all.  So, today I had the day off and while driving to my destination, the UK radio stations were had stuff to say about the American holiday.  I was a little surprised just for the sheer fact that July 4 kind of puts the English in a bad light. But I guess that’s ok.  No big deal for me.

I had my requisite burger and (will have) ribs to celebrate the holiday.  Today is the isle’s 1st birthday.  It has been one year since the casino opened.

Today I went back to Dudley Zoo and Castle, and yes this time I took pictures.  Stay tune for the blog entry for it.

Later.

Hey, it’s been about 10 months and about 13.5 hours since i got to England, but who’s counting? Wait, I am, that’s who.  Wow, 10 months, and the year is half way over.  Boy, sometime in the future when i begin reading through these blog entries to write my memoirs, I hopefully will have good memories, or at least have memories.  As for my memoirs, they will be in the Reader’s Digest, it will be that short.

But to bed another couple of audits.  No biggie, since that is my job, or at least a major portion of my job.  Right now, I feel good that I am back in the trenches, so to speak, so that I can really develop my audit skills.   And yes, I still have not decided and figured out what to do with my advancing years.

Kelsey should almost be done with his MBA.  I still do not know what to do about that.  Or the another certification.  The cert will probably be easier.  But what am I qualified for ?

Anyways, this is a short one.  I still need to decide on what to do this weekend.  catch the blog on Monday, and you will find out.

By the way, if any one wants to send me anything, the best address is work.  Let me know and I will email it to you.  That way I do not have to be at home to get it.  Over here my flat complex has no office to accept deliveries.

Can you believe that the year is almost half way over?  Every year I seem surprised that time has gone by so fast, when will I learn?  Time goes by at the same rate, and every year we all seem so surprised that the year goes by so quickly.

Anyways . . .

Thanks for the suggestions, Jordan and Dean.  I will try them all.

Hey Dean, not sure if I can get fireworks here since the Brits do not celebrate July 4.  However, it is interesting that the isle here opened on July 4, so for the anniversary celebration the casino is planning an American BBQ, like burgers, hot dogs, etc.  Not sure about the fireworks.  I wonder how many will come in since the July 4 celebration for the Brits is not really a happy time.  I get kind of wonder if this is a slap to the Brits.  But, I am not sure how they feel about the whole thing now.

Thanks for the idea for me to be safe, the only problem is that in my bedroom it is not a window, but doors.  I have juliet balcony doors, ask your Dad what I mean.  Here’s a picture, if you look to the left of the picture, you see my doors.

 See I have doors?  I am not sure if the metal thing would work.  Since my bedroom is kind of small, the door does not open all the way.  The door hits the bed, but it feels funny with the door open.  Also, I noticed that one of my neighbors have this huge screen telly.  From my bed, I can see outside my backyard, past the neighbors backyard, and into their living room, and when they have the shades opened, I can see what they are watching!  And you know I do not have the best eyesight.

So, anyways, Dean, this blog is free, so I do not pay for it.  I believe that I cannot solicit business from this, like a commercial.  My friend, Beth, unfortunately, get kicked off from the blog people because her blog was trying to get some business.  As long as I do not do that I am ok.

There are also a lot of other places you can get free space on the internet if you wanted to start your own blog.  Or, the Chan Family blog.  You can put pictures and stuff on it.  So, sometimes, instead of emailing, the family can go the blog and see what you are doing.  But you need to be careful about it, if you put stuff on the internet, every one can see what you are doing.  But hey, you can share my blog if you want to.

As for the sleep thing, I do go to the bathroom before I go to sleep, and I try to make the room as dark as possible, but sometimes I leave a little light in from the living room so I can walk around without turning on the light.  Since I live alone, I actually go to the bathroom without turning on the light and I leave my bathroom door open.  Is this TMI?  I figure I do not put my glasses on so there is really no need to turn the light on.  Also, there’s a window in my bathroom that sheds some light in there. 

Just lying there, I am not sure that works for me.  I try that and all that makes me do is think.  Think about work, think about what I am doing, or not doing, what to write in my blog, etc.  Just lying there makes my brain works overtime.

Some one else suggested exercise.  Get my body tired.  Not that I should not exercise, but if I exercise, then I will get sweaty, then I need to take a shower, and I think my brain thinks that taking a shower means to wake up, since I take a shower when I get up in the morning.  So, psychologically, I think Dan’s idea about the cold shower will not work, but the concept of cooling my body off is the right way.  I do sleep better when it’s cold.  And I do like it cold.

So, maybe I will be counting sheep.  As for the music, yes, I do that.  I have always done that, except where I cannot.  Then I try using the telly for it.  I cannot seem to sleep in the absolute quiet.  That also drives me nuts, or at least keeps me awake.  Is that weird or what?  I cannot sleep in silence?

Also, with the sweet potato thing, besides the frying them with sugar, at Turkey Day, the white folks, like their sweet potatoes cooked with marshmallows on top to get that sugar taste.  You can also try sweet potato fries, they are pretty good also.  Sprinkle a little cinnamon sugar like salt on regular fries.  Hmmm, getting hungry.

Hey, thanks for helping with my blog entry. Later.

Another week gone.  I know it’s been about a week since my last blog, but there has not been a lot going on.  I guess stuff happen in spurts.  There are times when I have a lot to write, and then there are times like these that I do not have nothing to write.  Then there are times that there is nothing to write, then I blab on about stuff, and before you know it, 600 words go by and voila, a blog entry.

So, I think this is one of those times where there is really nothing to write about. 

However, next weekend is July 4 and I have a 3 day weekend.  What shall I do?  I have not thought it yet, but I will think of something.

Other than that, nothing exciting.  But hey, I have been driving to and from Dudley and Wolverhampton and although I have been using the GPS, I think I know how to get back and forth without it.

Funny thing is, there is this one roundabout that I think of all the times I have been around it, I have only once, that’s right, only once, got the right exit on it.  It has happened so many times, I found the road that hooks me back to the road I am suppose to take.  How sad is that?

So, trying differetnt things, it may be the Cousin Dan is correct. I may just be too hot and cannot sleep.  I believe I do not need a swamp cooler, but I will begin opening my door again.  I was discouraged to do so because I was weary of the bugs.  It is cool enough (around the 50s) that if I open my doors the room should cool down enough.  I do not leave my doors open because 1) that means I cannot close my shades, there is a lamppost out there, and 2) I would freak out thinking that some one will climb through, even though I am a floor up and there is no “footholds” to climb on.  Or at least I do not think so.  So, I will try and have to go into killer bug mode when I have to.

Ok, I think that’s about it.  If anything happens through the week, I’ll be sure to write something.

Another sunrise has come and gone, thanks for the reading advice, however, that did not work for me.  It’s just made me want to read the entire thing since I was not that tired. {sigh}  Need another plan.

I am definitely feeling lethargic, maybe I am getting tired.  Ready for bed then, so I am thinking being awake for sunrise and sunset. hmm, not something I normally do except in the winter.

Oh well, any one else have any ideas about sleeping better?  Anyways, I finished getting through my mail and other personal stuff.  Not doing much today except for some laundry.  I am going to put in the load before bed, that way when I get up it will be done.  The one nice thing about having the washer/dryer combo, no need to put the clothes in another machine.

I think I will dig around and find my cross stitching.  Now that Beth is coming, I can see if I can finish something and send it back to Beth for Christmas presents.  Hmm, this will occupy my nights.  Will probably help with my bad snacking habits I have been noticing.

Did I mention Bon Jovi is here in Coventry?  Somewhere, not sure where.  He is having a concert at Ricoh on Tuesday, too bad I do not like to go to concerts.  Too crowded and noisy, and if you do not have good seats then you end up watching the JumboTron rather than the stage, and then what’s the point?  Did I mention the crowds?  I really hate places with a lot of people, that’s why I usually avoid malls on weekends and such.  And shop at Tesco late at night.

With all those people, and me sitting in my seat, while every one for some reason wants to stand and sing along, 1) now I cannot see the stage or anything around me; 2) there are way too many people around and 3) you are no longer listening to Bon Jovi, you are listening to the drunken guy next to you belting it like he was back in the 80s and he’s doing that air guitar thing.  I may as well play Bon Jovi’s CD and relax at home.  Perhaps I will play his CD on Tuesday in honor of his appearance.  Did I mention I hate crowded places?  And if I want to belt it out, no one complains or will look at me funny.

I guess that’s about it.  Later.